T.W. : Mental health crisis, gender identity, mentions of physical, emotional, and sexual abuse

As a person who does not identify with the binary and typically despises any type of label, gender identity is a difficult concept for me.

My first gender crisis was in January of this year when a kid at the psych ward asked for my pronouns. My mind drew a blank. I was scrambling for an answer I felt I should know. “She/her, yours?” I fell silent with the guilt of lying, but to whom? Myself? I later learned that there were the homophobes and the allies/queers. I obviously did not want to be labeled as an a-hole so I began asking others for their pronouns and gave a cop out, cis answer in return. As the days passed I felt worse and worse knowing I was putting others in the same position I was in. 

Being agressively cis became a coping mechanism. 

When I came home that mentality followed. I unfollowed accounts that didn’t have their pronouns listed. I became suspicious of those who didn’t offer theirs or asked for mine. I judged. I became less of an ally and more of a jerk. 

This year, when returning to school for the first time in over a year, I was in that position again- uncomfortable and unsure. When others shared their pronouns, I panicked. I saw my closeted friends squirm in their seats with their eyes on the ground.

Obviously we appreciated the intention, but that was not the way to go. Kids are increasingly feeling the pressure to come out despite living in unsafe environments or being in an unsafe mental state. One study stated, “30 percent of LGBT youth reported physical violence at the hands of a family member after coming out as LGBT….32 % of homeless LBGTQ youth have experienced physical, emotional, or sexual abuse at home over their sexual orientation or gender identity.” 

So, even though the majority of the students expressed in a survey that McCaskey is a generally safe and accepting environment, many still hesitate to share their pronouns.  A student shared their take on this, “I’m more than comfortable sharing she/her with everyone, and think that sharing pronouns while introducing yourself should be more normalized, but since it’s not, I only feel 100% comfortable sharing with others who I know for sure have the same experience as me.” 

Another student similarly said, “I give people the pronouns ‘I look like’, not the pronouns I feel fit me best. Some people make me very uncomfortable to be around whilst sharing pronouns but some are really kind and accepting.” A teacher agreed, stating, “This is one of the things I like about JPM – our diversity. I’ve been here a very long time and one thing we always seem to do well is accept each other for who we are.”

When looking at the data and seeing the amount of suffering kids, it should be a priority of the school to provide a haven of safety and nourishment that a student may not have access to at home. Students and teachers agree that McCaskey is progressive with its ideals, but are we doing enough?

When asked on a survey about what possible improvements McCaskey could make, these were the suggestions: acquire students’ pronouns through a private survey, clearly state that you are a safe person, have an English teacher give a lesson on pronouns proper usage, and flyers with a QR code with information. Generally, McCaskey needs schoolwide administrative action towards improving how we handle gender identity, which I know they’re willing to do. McCaskey has always been a safe space for me and the many aspects of my identity, and there is no reason that gender identity should be left out.

To put it in the words of a McCaskey student, “Gender is central to one’s sense of identity and it takes zero effort to support others, even if you may not understand the “whats” or “whys” of their gender.”