Recently it has become popular for people to gaslight their friends, assuming everyone is in on the joke. The term “gaslight, gate keep, girlboss” was coined as a way to empower and joke about one’s trauma. What began as an internet joke has spiraled into a dangerous game for those susceptible to gaslighting. 

Like many other trends on the internet, this term supposedly began on Tumblr, but it was popularized on TikTok and mainstream by late last summer. 

Around campus, the newest trend is being taken too far, as many kids use gaslighting in the same nature as sarcasm. Another tool for comedy. A common way gaslighting is used is in harmless teasing amongst friends. Things like hitting a friend and telling them they imagined it, that it was in fact the other way around. Sure, this can generate a humorous response in the right context, but some people who aren’t able to understand social cues or people who are traumatized by these behaviors at home might find this violating rather than funny.

An anonymous student gives their opinion of the matter, “It can be a way to cope with one’s trauma. It becomes an overstep when people joke about a trauma they have never experienced. I don’t feel like it’s okay to joke about it if you’re not using it to cope, but merely as a way to continue the cycle.”

This isn’t to say I have not used said term myself, and it definitely isn’t saying those who use the term have malicious intent. The dilemma that lies here is the over usage and ignorance of what gaslighting and emotional abuse really is. We can poke fun at our bruises as long as they are our own. 

When people use gaslighting in a joking manner, they usually assume people are in on the joke because of how obvious the lie is. It is not that some people are ‘gullible’, it’s that gaslighting makes life seem fake to everyone it’s directed towards even if they logically know the lies are untrue.

Gaslighting is a type of emotional abuse that uses manipulation to make a person question their reality. 

A common misconception about gaslighting, and abuse generally, is that it is always extreme and obvious. If this was the case, then wouldn’t you be able to see the signs immediately? Wouldn’t cases of abuse be easier to spot and victims can identify toxic partners faster?

But they don’t. It’s not easy. Manipulation is typically quite subtle. Using techniques that emphasize the good deeds they’ve done and slowly shift the blame to the victim. Things like this make the victim question their entire reality. Self doubt and self hatred intensifies, which only makes the next round of abuse hit harder. 

There are more extreme parts to emotional abuse of course (the screaming, the threats, the shaming, and insults), but what makes it effective is the dynamic. The gas lighter will make the victim dependent on them to tell them what is real and what isn’t. Often the victim feels like they themselves are the abuser or the liar, and they invalidate their own trauma. Gaslighting and emotional abuse is a way for people to train others to be obedient and weak. 

The jokes that are being made now among friends will start out as harmless jabs and lighthearted giggles, but when you get lied to and pushed around and blamed for the actions of others it crosses from teasing to habitual bullying. 

The purpose of this article is not to shame or point any fingers. I write this to encourage you to be aware of other’s boundaries and backgrounds. McCaskey is a diverse campus where no one fits in a singular box. Be sure to make all teasing and jokes a consensual exchange.